The Small Things...

Yesterday my mother remembered something about me.

It was so trivial, but since she remembers virtually nothing about my childhood, this almost made me cry. My sister, Mom, and I were all sitting in Mom's living room chatting...which mostly consists of my sister and I talking and Mom occasionally asking questions. I mentioned I finally bought some nail polish remover, and was going to repaint my toenails with a nail polish I had won as a door prize at a bridal shower.  My mom looked at me and asked what color the nail polish was. I said, "It's a kind of blue..." She looked at me and said, "But you don't like the color blue."

No I do not. She remembered that. My eyes filled with tears.  Such a small thing.  A small, almost inconsequential part of who I am.  But she remembered it.  She remembered it.

In my defense, the nail polish was more of a seafoam green...and kind of ugly!

Bad News

We received a call from the gastroenterologist that the pathology came back from my mom's polyp, and he needs to see her right away.

I've been praying not to lose my mom to Alzheimer's, so now I am going to lose her to cancer?

This sucks.

Little Quirks

My mom has always been a tad eccentric and quirky.  This disease seems to have made her even quirkier.  When I was growing up, no one was allowed to throw any garbage in the downstairs bathroom garbage can.  It had to be taken to the kitchen garbage can.  She was obsessive about this BA (before Alzheimer's).  Fast forward to current times, and now she doesn't really even want garbage thrown in the kitchen garbage can.  She fusses about the garbage every single day.  Anything that gets thrown away must be shredded into tiny pieces.  She is horrified if the garbage gets filled up, and will then proceed to bad mouth my nephew for making too much.  It's just another one of those things I try to ignore, but it honestly gets under my skin.

Little Obsessions

A woman my mom went to high school with died last week. I didn't know this woman, and I am not sure when the last time my mom saw her was...probably years and years. Anyway, my mom became fixated on this woman's funeral and how if she could drive, she would have gone. Every single day for the past five days she talks about it, and every single day I tell her I never heard of the woman before. I didn't even know about the funeral until it was over. My sister told me today that when the woman's husband died last year, she asked my mom if she wanted to go to the funeral (she had gone to school with him as well) and she asked my sister, "Why?"

Yankee Doodle Dandy

My mom's favorite movie of all time is Yankee Doodle Dandy.  Today in my class, I showed them a clip because the story we read referenced "Yankee Doodle Boy". I got teary eyed watching the clip. When I saw my mom today, I mentioned I had showed the class the clip, and I could tell she doesn't remember the movie.  I think we will be watching it together this weekend!

The New Normal?

Since my mom's colonoscopy on Tuesday, I've pretty much stayed away.  The aftermath of the colonoscopy was rough. She told everybody no less than a dozen times how cold she was. Then she asked over and over if we'd seen the doctor.  I found myself losing patience, and I hate when I feel that way.

My sister told me yesterday that my mom doesn't remember her hospital stay from three weeks ago. I guess that is normal with this disease? It's hard to find any normalcy lately. My mother's house use to be a haven for me, and now I hate to go over there.  It smells of dog and tuna fish with lingering hints of whatever air freshener my sister has recently sprayed.  My mother refuses to let any window be opened, so sometimes I feel like I am absolutely suffocating. Mom told me the other day that the church told her she shouldn't open any windows. I am sure she is referring to a luncheon she went to a year ago where the guest speaker scared her with a talk about break-ins and how to stay safe.

It's difficult to watch this once vibrant woman become this person I don't even recognize. I hate the new normal.

My Poor Sister

My poor sister has really had her hands full with our mother the past 24 hours. It was colonoscopy prep day, and I won't go into much detail except to say she refused to sit on the toilet so there were tons of accidents.

Here's what I think will happen today. The colonoscopy will show inflammation which can be treated with medication. My mother will end up refusing to take the medication, so her problem with pain, discomfort, and distention of the stomach will continue, and she will continue complaining about it.

It's a viscious cycle.